Help, I am paralyzed by this impending phone call.

I’m an awkward person. Really awkward. I don’t know how to make small talk. I often wave at people who are waving at someone behind me. When the person at the airline check-in counter says, “Enjoy your flight,” I say, “You too!” I mean, it’s not like I don’t know how to act in social situations. I just freak the fuck out and freeze up.

Here are some situations in which I am particularly awkward:

• Talking to boys. THEY’RE SCARY, OKAY. I mean, I know they’re just people, and I know I shouldn’t freak out, but I can’t help it!
• Talking on the phone. Enough said.
• Talking to people I don’t know. I just freeze up and all of my personality and charm go out the window.

So, conveniently for me, THIS SITUATION COMBINES ALL THREE!

I’m community service chair for my sorority, which apparently is a Big Fucking Deal. As in, on the hierarchical list of positions, I’m number five, after president, vice president, secretary, and treasurer. I should have guessed that this would be the case, because we’re a women’s issues/community service oriented organization. But I’m just freaked out because I have to like… plan things and interact with people. Planning things? Sure. I got this. But interacting with people? NO THANK YOU.

One of the fraternities on campus hosts an ALS benefit every spring, and historically we’ve co-sponsored the event with them. So I’m going to be working with their community service chair to plan, etc. And in 45 minutes he’s going to call me and we’re going to start said planning. I HAVE NEVER MET THIS GUY. I’ve seen him around, and apparently he’s also from New Hampshire, but I don’t think I’ve ever even made eye contact with him before. BUT HE’S GOING TO CALL ME. ON THE TELEPHONE. AND I’M GOING TO HAVE TO NOT BE PARALYZING AWKWARD. BUT NOT BEING AWKWARD ON THE PHONE IS NOT SOMETHING I’M GOOD AT, UNLESS IT’S LIKE… MY FAMILY. OR MY BEST FRIENDS.

Please excuse me while I hyperventilate.